Vacay - Or Was It?

You know it's going to be an interesting vacation when, five minutes into the trip, your car starts acting funny. Funny, as in RPMing up to 3,000....4,000 and NOT shifting. Good thing I had built in extra shopping time into the trip before Amber's orthodontic appointment.

A quick drive back into town to our car dealership revealed that we were NOT in for a quick fix. We loaded everything into a rental car (warning: Arkansas charges a 22% sales tax on rental cars), learned that the extended warranty on our broken car had expired, and hit the road again, a little gloomy. However, I kept telling myself it could have been worse - we had been back and forth to Conway (a three-hour drive one way) twice in the prior week...and the roads between here and there are isolated. A break-down on those trips, or further into our vacation, would have been horrible. Oh, and the trip to Conway was to take Amber to choir camp, where she worked hard and had a BLAST:

She's the one in the front, on the left. I still don't know why I pay for jeans that look like they have been molested by a werewolf.

Amber had not-so-good news at the orthodontist. Remember those stubborn baby teeth? Well, by not falling out, they have diverted the paths of her adult teeth. She will need oral surgery to remove the remaining baby teeth, cut open her soft palate and attach metal handles to her upper canines so the orthodontist can move them into place. I don't know what they will plan for her twelve-year molars that never erupted. Poor thing.

BUT, I keep telling myself it could be worse - she can survive this. My pocketbook may not survive, but she will.

Speaking of my pocketbook - one of my air conditioning units at the office building took a dive. Sigh. Sometimes it's great owning your own company.

When we arrived in Mountain View, AR....it was raining...but our cabin did have a view of the river:

The worst part about the cabin? No cell service. I thought Amber was going to have a coronary. Every so often she could get a text message thru, if she contorted her body behind the living room futon. We had to drive two miles into town to get service.

The next morning, when we DID drive into town before visiting the caverns, I got a fun little text message telling me my office building back home had flooded. Try focusing on vacation after THAT little gem.

Oh well, at least our adventure was NOT going to be ruined by rain, since we were going into Blanchard Springs Caverns. Check out this formation that resembles a ship:

It was a fascinating tour - my photos didn't do the caverns ANY justice. I was completely amazed. We took the "Dripstone" tour - which took us through the most highly decorated level of the caverns, after an elevator ride 216 feet down into the earth.

I was impressed with the lighting, which was done by a man who usually assembled lighting for opera houses. It made the caverns all that more beautiful. Once again, I was in awe at the wonderous beauty of our earth, and remembered how tiny we all are in the face of its majesty.

Roger had never seen this level of the caverns before, so he was impressed, too. He even got to visit a music store in downtown Mountain View, and joined a "pickin'" session with several other musicians. He must have spent an hour there, while Amber and I poked thru galleries and found treasures here and there.

Our last stop before leaving town was this rock:

That's Roger, standing underneath. Years ago - like over 17 years ago - his best friend took a photo almost identical at this very spot. It was neat to find this again, and almost two decades later, take a similar photo...which we then emailed to his friend.

We are back home - and have taken care of all the office flooding. It wasn't as bad as I had imagined, and Roger did a lot to help clean things up. Amber came back to a new cheer coach for the varsity squad - her coach from last year - which made her very happy. Shorty missed us terribly, but having Lucas house-sit definitely eased our minds about the care of our three animals. He did, however, start a new trend by allowing her to sleep with him in the guest bed. So guess who is sleeping with us now?

Tell me about your vacations, if you had one this summer!

Belated Mother's Day Repeat

Can you get any worse that being LATE for a holiday, with the possible exception of posting something you've previously posted?

Oh well, if you know of a way to beat that...tell me, and I'll perform like a bear at the circus.

I just had to share this again - even though it came out in 2006, it STILL makes me laugh today. Enjoy.


My favorite line: "Put down the yardstick!"

Fun Monday - Yeah, I'm BACK! Well, Sorta...

It's Fun Monday! And Karisma is our gracious hostess! I had to do a "repeat" because I'm still a little behind on my blogging, but this is my vow to return, once and for all! Our task was to share a "funny, silly or just downright cute story about your pets or your children." I'm not sure my story fits ANY of those categories, but here goes:

It began as a joyous occasion, my executive secretary's 80th birthday. This is a woman for which I have the utmost respect, as she has been dutifully keeping my books and cutting checks to pay my bills, as she did for the previous owner. She is more than a secretary - she's like a second mother, who thinks nothing of admonishing me for spending too much money, or giving me a good-natured slap on the ass when I say something off-color.

At the end of her party, she gave me a flower arrangment, adorned with balloons and beautiful curly string. It is for this reason that I secretly resent her. See this innocent looking feline? Well, I could have throttled her with my bare hands. I knew well enough to place the bouquet of flowers on a high surface when we went to bed that evening. What I forgot is the ability for Whiskas to leap upon tall furniture in a single bound.

When Roger and I awoke the next morning and stumbled into the kitchen to retrieve that life-saving first cup of coffee, our bare feet slipped on something. "What the heck is THAT?" we wondered, sleepily. After turning on the light - we noticed brown streaks on our white floor. Not only in the kitchen, but across the bathroom floor as well. Seems as if Whiskas discovered the curly string, ingested it in a frenzied moment of play, and spent the rest of the evening attempting to remove it from her intestinal tract by alternately scooting her bottom across the floor and sharting.

After many expletives were hurled, we rectified the mess. Time to rectify the cat. Upon inspection of her puckered exit, we discovered a lovely, brown-stained curl of ribbon portruding from her anus. Remember those Chatty Cathy dolls? Much the same effect can be achieved by holding down a cat and pulling curly string out of her ass.

Now go visit the other participants!

First Post of the New Year

Oh my, where has the time gone? SO much has been happening...and my blogging time has suffered. First, New Year's was fun. No one got hurt, and we only had 13 overnight guests, mostly teenagers. We survived! Here is a quick peek of attendees - though not all are pictured. First the "adults:" Then, the teenagers: OH...AND...big news... we have chosen a name for the BAND! Okay, you guys had great suggestions. Really great ones. In fact, I honestly liked many of your suggestions better than the actual band name. BUT...there was a breakdown, and it's all my fault. About a week into the "Band Name Discussion" (let's refer to it as BND for short), I was getting excited. Lots of good names were floating around. We even had a written list, and I had reduced the BND to a few pieces of paper, including the printed list of blog comments. Many of your suggestions were applauded during the BND.


Another week later, Roger discovers a book of mine - 1,000 Meditations or something similar, and it is chock full of ideas. The book becomes a focal point of the BND. Names are thrown out...here and there...it becomes fuzzy and impossible to focus on what we should be. BND had evolved into a laborious exercise. What did your Tiggerlane do? Decided to shut down her brain and no longer particpate in BND. Not really, anyway.

It had become exhausting. And the PRESSURE. BND was no longer fun. BND moved into the realm of text messaging. BND was raunchy at times. (Well, THAT part was fun.)

One night, we faced a deadline. We are actually going to perform on stage February 14th (of this year). BND carried on for so long that my only response became, "Just pick a name." We did. BND produced "Carousel of Time." Keep in mind, BND ended at 3AM.

By morning, the name was no longer favored. BND resumed. I refused to participate. I was exhausted.

Finally, BND was over. Again. We have a name.

7th Wave.

Sting sang about it. Do you know about it?

I'm just glad it's over. Oh, and the pictures above? Those are from our first "outside the studio" rehearsal at the auditorium where we will play our gig. Wish us luck.

And the Holidays Just Keep on Comin'

I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas holiday! In case you don't follow me on twitter, let me tell you about a "fail" I pulled on the Santa present. We got The Offspring an acoustic/electric guitar set with everything she needed to rock the house. For a week, we've had it hidden in the closet of our bonus room (that infamous 8x28 closet). Now that the bonus room is our studio, we use it as a place to chill and relax...

On Christmas Eve, my baby girl didn't feel too well. She was laying on the couch with me and woke up around 1AM. Since our living room is tile, sound tends to carry to every room on the bottom floor. She wanted to talk, so I suggested we go up to the studio so as not to wake her father in the master bedroom.

Not a good idea. Because unbeknownst to me, the father had moved the humungous box with the guitar and amp inside into the MIDDLE OF THE BONUS ROOM/STUDIO so that he could attach a big bow to it. She and I trudge upstairs, open the door, and after I'm a few feet into the room, WHAM.

"Get out of here!!" I holler.
"Okay," she says, running back down the stairs.
"Did you see it?" I query.
"Uh...no..." she replies, totally unconvincingly.
Then the father appears at the bottom of the stairs. Not exactly happy. Technically, it WAS Christmas morning. And yeah, she did have to wait until we got up to actually play the thing.

I think she enjoyed it:We went to see Trans-Siberian Orchestra for her birthday the next day - and let me tell you, it was incredible. If you get a chance to see them, GO.

Our next adventure? New Year's Eve. We usually have an adult party, with 20 or so revelers. This year, the kid wanted to invite more than just a few friends. She passed out fliers at school before the break. Fifty fliers.

This ordinarily wouldn't worry me - after all, you usually can expect half of the invitees to show. However, a few weeks ago, she asked me (with a sweet innocent face, let me add) if she could have FOUR or FIVE friends over. Got that? A few text messages later, and kids start showing up to my house. From out of nowhere. When it was all said and done? This is how many ended up there:In case you're not good at counting, there are 23 kids in that photo. At one point, as one kid is hauling in the whole set of Rock Band to play in the living room, I asked her, "When exactly is this party over?" In return, I got a shrug.

A bottle rocket/roman candle war broke out in the yard shortly after the bonfire was lit. And when I left the house in the care of the male influences, I returned to find a kid being duct-taped to a tree:She DOES appear quite happy about it.

Hopefully, I will survive New Year's Eve. We are cleaning out the garage (not that we've had much time to get it messy) and hope to contain some of the teen melee in there.

Pray for me, will ya?

And here's wishing you all a happy and SAFE New Year!

A Holiday Favorite

I hope you and yours are preparing yourself for a fantastic holiday, recession/depression be damned! This is one of my favorite holiday stories, which appeared in a book by Jeff Foxworthy many years ago. No idea if it is true or not, but this is the kind of family stuff that makes the holiday season special!

As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.
What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.

If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. you'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, 'What does this do?' 'You're kidding me!' 'Who would buy that?' Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section.

I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.
Finding what I wanted was difficult. 'Love Dolls' come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for 'Lovable Louise.' She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a 'doll' took a huge leap of imagination.

On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.

The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy, but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. We all agreed that Louise should remain in her pantyhose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.

My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door.
'What the hell is that?' she asked.
My brother quickly explained, 'It's a doll.'
'Who would play with something like that?' Granny snapped.
I kept my mouth shut.
'Where are her clothes?' Granny continued.
'Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran,' Jay said, to steer her into the dining room.
But Granny was relentless. 'Why doesn't she have any teeth?'
Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, 'Hang on Granny, hang on!'
My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up t o me and said, ' Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?' I told him she was Jay's friend.
A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.

The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the mantel, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.
Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.
Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health.
I can't wait until next Christmas.

Fun Monday Holiday Music

Ooh, I'm LATE today...maybe because I stayed up until wee hours...but then, none of you care about my excuses. Blah - get with the program.

MamaLang is the hostess for this Fun Monday, and she wanted to know our favorite Christmas songs and our favorite Christmas item.

Only THREE songs? Wow...okay...that's a tough assignment!

1. I LOVE (adore) George Winston's version of "Holly and the Ivy." If you have never heard this piano version, take a listen here.

2. Mannheim Steamroller and Christmas - This version of "Silent Night" has a very special meaning to me, b/c of a very special Christmas, many years ago. I wonder if Mr. Big still remembers?

Kinda weird to see a house in lights to this tune, but here ya go:

I get tears in my eyes every time I hear this.

3. I don't actually think this last song is a Christmas song, but I can't spend a holiday without listening to it. And for the record, this song will prove that I am a total dork. And nerd. And should be wearing glasses and braces and carrying a stack of books under my arm. I had a Christmas album by Dean Martin as a kid, and I LOVED it. Yes, Dean. Poor, dead Dean. He just always sounded like he was SMILING when he sang, you know? Now, I realize his smiling might have been due to large quantities of alcohol consumption. Still, I love this tune, called The Things We Did Last Summer. Listen if you dare. Total cheese.

As for my favorite Christmas thing? Well, I could pick all sorts of ornaments...pretty little glass things...but when you go into labor on a Christmas Day, it's hard to pick much else but my almost-a-Christmas-Baby as a reminder of what this season really means to me:
Now go check out all the Fun Monday participants!

The Doghouse

I know this is really ad advertisement, but it's not "in your face."

I found this funny, b/c my husband told me early on that he believes in "practical" gifts. For example, last year - I received a new blender and a food processor. Other gifts have been similarly useful, but at least he does have the sense to throw jewelry into the mix at least every other year.

Enjoy:

Beware of the Doghouse- Hilarious! - A funny movie is a click away
Have you ever received a gift that made you want to send your significant other to the doghouse? If so, I wanna hear about it!

NaBloPoMo Day 28 - Blast from the Past

Day Twenty Eight.

I know this will date me, but I used to watch "WKRP in Cincinnati" as a kid growing up. And I loved the theme song. I admit it.

Making the rounds this Thanksgiving - one of the most popular episodes of that show. Enjoy a scene from "Turkeys Away:"

Hope you had a GREAT Thanksgiving!

NaBloPoMo Day 27 - Happy Fat Bird Day

Day Twenty Seven.

Giving Thanks.

There are so many things I am thankful for this year, not the least being that I can wake up in the morning, step out on my porch and enjoy the first light through the trees.
I'm also grateful that I HAVE this porch - a year ago, this house was still under construction, and I could only dream of what it would be like to live here.

Now, I sit on my porch, and gaze at the mountain, which gives me peace.But most of all, I'm thankful for this person in my life:She brightens every day, and if I lost everything and everyone else in my world? Well, she'd be enough to sustain me.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

NaBloPoMo Day 22 - Winkin' and Slayin'

Day Twenty Two.

I know I could make a drinking game out of this video. However, I just could NOT take my eyes off the guy in the background. Palin is fairly oblivious, but I suppose animal slaughter is a common thing in her world. Just not something I witness on a daily basis. Watch if you dare.

In a weird way, I'm kinda glad to see her again. Brings back memories of the election.

Happy Thanksgiving, Ya'll!

NaBloPoMo Day Eleven - Veteran's Day

Day Eleven.

I have a veteran in my home. My husband was a Navy Corpsman during the Vietnam era, and to this day, can vividly remember the atrocities he saw during that time. Please take a moment and remember those veterans who served by taking care of the wounded and dying. Theirs were sometimes the last faces our brave men and women saw in this life.No one knows the loss felt by the ones who served in the medical service of the military. They served our country by providing comfort to those who had been wounded in ways we can only imagine.And if you have never visited a National Cemetery, I urge you - just once - to go. It will be an overwhelming experience.Thank you, to all who have served this country. We owe you more than we could ever give.

NaBloPoMo Day Three - Fun Monday Reasons

Day Three.

Our Fun Monday hostess is Bee Dancer, who wanted to know WHY we blog...and then wanted a photo that represents the area in which we live.

The reason I started this whole blogging thing was simple; I did it for her:
I wanted her to be able to look back, long after I am gone, and read my thoughts and concerns and maybe get a laugh out of the perspective of her mother. I also want her to take comfort in the fact that NO, you DON'T have to have everything in life figured out when you are 30...or 40. I figure my ramblings and questions would help her see that. Now that she is 14-almost-15, she thinks she knows it all and that her parents are woefully ignorant...we all know the perspective of a teenager, right?Then again, I am blessed with a pretty good kid. We have an awesome relationship. And something I didn't expect? She actually reads my blog from time to time.Something else I didn't expect was her propensity to rock the fangs every Halloween.

As for a photo of my area? I love the mountains here. They aren't the Rockies, but their natural beauty during every season bring me peace.Now go visit the other participants!

NaBloPoMo Day One - Dogs on Halloween

Day One.

I received the typical "dogs dressed up" in an email this past week, and there's NOTHING I love like a dog in costume. In fact, a few Halloweens ago, we dressed ours up as a cow (and yes, that is an UDDER). I was struck at how different The Offspring looked back then (on the right): I used to dress the dog up in sweaters. However, the hubby insisted that I was making our dog "gay" by doing so and finally disallowed the dog/sweater phase of our relationship. (I will share some cute photos of that in another post.) Then again, I can't imagine that having a dog's testicles removed would have ANYTHING to do with his sexuality. Right? I mean, that's NOTHING. But a SWEATER? Forcing a dog to wear a SWEATER? Yeah - I am warping our dog's sexual identity. Ha.

At any rate, here are my favorite dog costume photos from that email:Is anyone else wondering how long that balloon stayed inflated? And did the poor dog have to walk around all night like this? And WHAT is that balloon attached to? Granted, it is a little better than our dog's cow impersonation.Two scary things about this photo: 1) The dog seems WAY TOO HAPPY to be wearing a "Hello Kitty" hat. 2) This was done, from all appearances, in a professional photography studio. This is the best costume of the year, IMHO. LOVE the hooves.

So, do you dress your pets?

Fun Monday Costumery - Errr...Pumpkinry

Sayre is this week's hostess for Fun Monday, and she wanted to see our Halloween costumes...or pumpkins! When I read the assignment, I remembered dressing up one year in a black garbage bag with autumn leaf garland poking out of it...while carrying a rake. Could I find the photo? No. One year, in the midst of the scandal that was Michael Jackson - I dressed up as him, complete with fake baby and face mask, ready to dangle said prop over any balcony I could find. Photos? Nope. I figured I would cheat and use the kid's costumes, and then I realized that I had already posted my favorite Halloween costumes that The Offspring has sported here. However, I found this one from 2003. It indicated the beginning of a mode of dress that became slightly less garish, but similar in spirit:
However, I WILL share a pumpkin project from a few years ago. The Offspring had to enter a contest at the middle school and wanted something TOTALLY DIFFERENT. So, we made this little guy out of pipe cleaners, gourds, mushrooms and a cucumber. We even put a strobe light inside:We got the idea from a web site, and when we finished the project and sent it to them, they displayed it here!
I think she won second place for this monstrosity - and let me tell you, skinned cucumbers get REALLY nasty looking after a few days!

Now, go check out the other participants!

She Sends Me Email

One of the joys of parenting a teenager involves keeping up with their activities. It was easy when I was a child. All my mom had to do was peer into my room. Now, I have to monitor my child's myspace page, text messages, iPod, music downloads and emails. Not to mention all the other profile sites for which she has accounts.

The up side to this is that I often get text messages in the wee hours. Sometimes, I get them when she is spending the night at a friend's house. The messages are often heartfelt, and deal with subjects she might be mortified to mention face to face. I won't go into sordid details here, but suffice it to say at least she is discussing things we might never talk about if not for the power of technology. Things that are downright uncomfortable to discuss between a teenager and her mother, even with my reputation for being frank, open and providing T.M.I.

All this leads to an email I received from her. Halloween is her FAVORITE holiday, because she has the opportunity to dress in shocking attire. Here are some previous outfits: Halloween, 2005 - and yes, she totally had shorts on under that skirt.
Halloween, 2006Halloween, 2007

So I get this email entitled "just some suggestions as to wat i want for halloween", that states, in typical teenager fashion, "i kinda want to get that seductive victorian maiden sorta look...or a victorian doll thing...idk yet but i wanna wear a dress thats frillyish and dark =D." Followed by a photo of a $54 Tripp brand dress from Hot Topic. SEDUCTIVE VICTORIAN MAIDEN???? NOT. And to go with it? These: Adding insult to injury, the message continues: "also if u have read twilight....which is a no....well there are victorian vampiresses....and well that would be hot." And another photo to solidify the intent: HOT? The goal for Halloween is HOT? Sigh. I may not have read "Twilight," totally ruining my credibility as a worthwhile parent, but I DO watch "True Blood" on HBO.

I'm thinking...how is this Halloween different than any others? And exactly when did Halloween become an excuse to dress as a sexy vampire? In looking at costumes online, I became acutely aware of the options NOT available for purchase. Everything was a "Sexy Vixen" or a "Sexy Maid" and even a "Star Wars Sexy Adult Leia" costume (NOT the gold bikini, mind you). Even the "classic" women's costumes had titles like "Medusa the Mythical Siren." Since when did Halloween get so sexy? Let me hear from you.