Golden Globes - Tastefully Displayed!

I was pleased that this year's array of globes seemed well supported and well-covered, for the most part, unlike some of last year's droopers. And poor Prince! Stuck in traffic. That might teach him to show up a little earlier, unlike his usual "fashionably late" mode. At last year's American Idol competition, producers were unsure if he was going to be there at all - until he sauntered backstage only 30 seconds before his performance. At least Hugh Grant gave Prince his due. Wonder if he kicked Justin Timberlake's a$$ at the post-party for mocking him? Hey, Justin, GUESS WHO IS PLAYING THE SUPER BOWL this year? Huh? No more of that lame teenaged-boy-fumbling with a Jackson's boob and then acting all innocent later - the man who INVENTED sexy in the music world will show you how it's done!! Sexy never LEFT, little boy! But I digress.
I really thought most of the dresses were great - and Drew Barrymore propped the girls up, where they belong. However, Meryl Streep probably has more money in the bank than half the audience, and yet she chose to wear a burlap sack held together with twine? WTF? Gotta love Meryl, but she should have taken some lessons from Helen Mirren, who looked absolutely stunning. And, who made the decision to let Sacha Baron Cohen go on and on about his costar's wrinkly testicular globes (or as Tom Hanks reminded us all too often, balls = "artistic vision"), yet cut short the speech of the nameless guy who accepted the award for Dreamgirls?? Must be compensating for the ladies getting all modest about their own globes.

The worst dresses of the night were Beyonce's gold atrocity and Rinko Kikuchi's pink-balled disaster (keeping in the theme, perhaps). Seriously - this is a cute girl, with a tiny figure, and she chooses a dress that mimics a psychotic poodle owner's vision of the perfect Valentine doggie makeover? Puh-leez.

"Worst Display of Globes" award goes to Ali Larter of Heroes, who somehow made People.com's best dressed list. Prop them up, darlin', they are young and fresh and yet look old and tired in this dress:












Best Globes? Why, Salma Hayek, of course, seen here on the right of America Ferrera. You go, girl! Lest you think my criticisms are all out of jealousy, know that I only give these folks a hard time because they have all the money in the world to look absolutely FABULOUS. So when they make poor choices, they are fair game! Can't wait for the Oscars!

Oscar Wrap-Up

Sigh...the last of the big award shows is over. What is a girl to do until football season begins again?

So, you know I can't pass up the opportunity to criticize some of the dresses, right? After all, even though this year's crop was one of the most fabulous and diva-stating ever, you KNOW there were flops. And I'm gonna point them out. (And btw, who was the genius who came up with POCKETS for formal gowns? I have to give them props for the strangest trend this year - yet the most useful!!)

Beautiful Charlize Theron. I have to give you credit for really getting nasty-looking in your last two films - that's what wins Oscars - but this is the night to SHINE, babe. Help Hollywood remember how gorgeous you really are! Don't hide half your face with a big, silly bow - then couple that with a dress that does NOTHING for your breasts!! Are you out of your mind? Or have you played so many ugly women lately that you just can't quite pull it together when need be?

Naomi Watts. Honey, we saw the big brutish Kong whip you around...but did you have a tussle at the Siegfried & Roy Ranch before the show? Seriously - this has to be the worst dress of the evening. I can't even see your waist, what with all that ratted material draped over it. Please don't tell me you paid good money to look so disheveled.

I won't even mention the atrocity on top of Helena Bonham Carter's head. I just pray that it wasn't her hair.
And once again, gotta love ya, Reese. But why did you wear a dress that weighs a ton? It was painful watching you lift it as you made your way up the steps to the podium - I honestly believe I saw you cringe with the effort. You are such a bright, light, funny little thing - and you chose to wear something that resembles curtains from the Titanic. I was waiting for the dress to pull you under the red carpet, drowning in a sea of fabric and beadery. My advice - try something fun next time. And light.

Lastly, what was up with all the montages? We could have cut those out, and saved an hour of show. Kudos for John Stewart for mentioning that! And I felt terribly sorry for Bobby Moresco, the OTHER winner of the original screenplay for "Crash." They shut out the lights and wouldn't even let him speak! Note to the Academy: cut the montages, and let the winners have their moment in the spotlight, uninterrupted.

Post Globes Observations

Ah...the Golden Globes did not disappoint!! Some of the dresses were FABU, including Kate Beckinsale, Natalie Portman, Kiera Knightley, Penelope Cruz, Scarlett Johannsson, Sarah Jessica Parker, and ALL the Housewives - every single one looked spectacular. Even a pregnant Gwyneth Paltrow looked wonderful. I'm still on the fence about Geena Davis. She's a seasoned actress, and has the courage to wear red head-to-toe. She's a big woman, but her guts to step out there in that ensemble score some points.

Now, Reese Witherspoon always looks great, IMHO; however, I have to give her bad marks for her dress. "Vintage Chanel?" Okay, I'll buy that. But she wore the same exact dress that Kirsten Dunst wore to the 2003 Golden Globes Focus Features party!!! The only thing worse is showing up at the same event in the same dress! Don't believe me? Well, here it is. Reese --- you have so much more class than the fugly Dunst. Shame on you. You should have done your homework. You do pull it off better than Kirsten - but two years does not vintage make.

Note to Drew Barrymore: wear a bra. Honey, you have nice large bazookas --- give them a little support.

Mariah Carey? Not one of my favorites. But HELLO?!? Side-boob AND armpit cleavage - all in the same dress! Not a flattering look.

And what with Mrs. Boobs? Pamela Anderson? They are a trademark! Wear them with pride! Bought and paid for! Don't hide them in a horrible-burial-shroud-black sheath. Please. It's one of the few reasons people look at you.

And Mrs. Johnny Depp SERIOUSLY needs to gain some weight.

No...I'm not jealous, thereby harping on the stars' clothes. I honestly believe that women with access to stylists, makeup artists, and the ability to afford ANY dress should certainly be expected to make good choices with those resources! So when they make bad ones, there really is no excuse for them.

As for the Housewives? Well, Felicity was the lone Globe-winner for her gender-bending role in a movie, and she looked anything but manly on this night. However, the show itself won --- notice anything familiar about this photo?
Yep - Ms. Sheridan is indeed holding the Globe again. Think they are intimidated by her? She did look smashing in her dress, and her date for the evening was a much-younger man. Kudos to her!

And, the poor Housewives lost the chance for an individual Globe to someone far more desperate. A housewife willing to do the unthinkable - sell marijuana! Mary-Louise Parker beat them all for her role on "Weeds." Maybe that will teach the Housewives to get a little more desperate next time!

Golden Globes - Pre Show Thoughts

Not a single football team I was rooting for won yesterday, so the only thing to do is move on to another favorite sporting event - AWARD SHOWS!!! Tonight it is Oscar-Lite, as the Hollywood Foreign Press Association gives us the Golden Globe Awards. Who will make an idiot out of themselves on the red carpet? Who will wear something more atrocious than Bjork? Who will get rip-roaring drunk and trip going up to the podium? Will Anna Nicole be there - and will she and Courtney Love have a contest to see who can be the most incoherent? I watch these things for the same reason I watch ice skating - the falls.

There aren't too many nominees I care much about. I think that has to do with the fact that I wait until many movies are out on DVD before I see them. Plus, this year we've got a gay cowboy movie (edgy! controversial!) and another musical life story (compelling! they do their own singing!), and well - it's almost a shoe-in as far as the winners. (Remember "Million Dollar Baby" and "Ray?") Not much suspense there. Hollywood loves that kinda stuff.

However, I DO watch the nominated show featuring these gals:
Funny thing - last year, the HFPA snubbed two of these ladies. The hottest one (Eva Longoria) and the bitchiest one (Nicolette Sheridan). This year, they've gone all out and only snubbed Nicolette. Notice who is holding the award in this photo from 2005? Nicolette. Maybe the others felt sorry for her. After all - she's not as prominently featured in the show, and the main purpose of her character seems to be aggravating the other housewives. Assuming they are all still getting along (who ever thought THAT would last?), I wonder - will the ladies let Nicolette hold the award if they win again this year? If one of the other four actresses wins an individual award, will we have one of those uncomfortable political speeches from the podium, denouncing the HFPA for discriminating against Nicolette?

And technically, only TWO of these ladies are housewives: Eva's character, Gabby; and Felicity's character, Lynette. Bree isn't technically a wife, since Rex's passing. Susan has always been an ex-wife. And then we're back to Nicolette's character, Edie, who has always been single. And Betty Applewhite (the new mysterious neighbor) doesn't have a husband that anyone knows about. So..."Desperate Women in Various Relationship Status'" might be a cumbersome, but much more accurate title!

More tomorrow - after the show! And don't worry, I'm still going to watch the playoffs next week. Just with less enthusiasm.