Monday, March 06, 2006

Oscar Wrap-Up

Sigh...the last of the big award shows is over. What is a girl to do until football season begins again?

So, you know I can't pass up the opportunity to criticize some of the dresses, right? After all, even though this year's crop was one of the most fabulous and diva-stating ever, you KNOW there were flops. And I'm gonna point them out. (And btw, who was the genius who came up with POCKETS for formal gowns? I have to give them props for the strangest trend this year - yet the most useful!!)

Beautiful Charlize Theron. I have to give you credit for really getting nasty-looking in your last two films - that's what wins Oscars - but this is the night to SHINE, babe. Help Hollywood remember how gorgeous you really are! Don't hide half your face with a big, silly bow - then couple that with a dress that does NOTHING for your breasts!! Are you out of your mind? Or have you played so many ugly women lately that you just can't quite pull it together when need be?

Naomi Watts. Honey, we saw the big brutish Kong whip you around...but did you have a tussle at the Siegfried & Roy Ranch before the show? Seriously - this has to be the worst dress of the evening. I can't even see your waist, what with all that ratted material draped over it. Please don't tell me you paid good money to look so disheveled.

I won't even mention the atrocity on top of Helena Bonham Carter's head. I just pray that it wasn't her hair.
And once again, gotta love ya, Reese. But why did you wear a dress that weighs a ton? It was painful watching you lift it as you made your way up the steps to the podium - I honestly believe I saw you cringe with the effort. You are such a bright, light, funny little thing - and you chose to wear something that resembles curtains from the Titanic. I was waiting for the dress to pull you under the red carpet, drowning in a sea of fabric and beadery. My advice - try something fun next time. And light.

Lastly, what was up with all the montages? We could have cut those out, and saved an hour of show. Kudos for John Stewart for mentioning that! And I felt terribly sorry for Bobby Moresco, the OTHER winner of the original screenplay for "Crash." They shut out the lights and wouldn't even let him speak! Note to the Academy: cut the montages, and let the winners have their moment in the spotlight, uninterrupted.

5 comments:

kingrancher said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
kingrancher said...

Hey Tiff,
Carlize Theron can not look bad in anything she wears. I did not see the oscars or the fashion walk, but who needs to when you give such a vivid description. Beautiful creative writing, keep up the good work!

kingrancher said...

spelling, s/b Charlize Theron
it's been a long day!

Mugsy said...

They said on ET yesterday that Charlize's dress probably cost $100,000!

I had no idea Hefty Bags had become so expensive!

Whiterabbit said...

Tiff,
While I love to see women all dressed up, it beggs the age old GUY question, "Ginger or Mary Ann"? I would love to see all these lovely ladies in their "picnic by the lake" best. Wouldn't that be fun!
It also made me think about "staying power" like Heather Locklear. She did a washing the car scene in her "Daisey Dukes" and tied off blouce on Dallas years ago and still looks great today. People that take care of themselves should get some kind of award. God know, it is hard to fight off time and gravity!
Whiterabbit