Thursday, April 17, 2008

Just in Time for the Season

You know, there are some friends in my life that I just CANNOT do without. One of those is the inimitable Brent. He recently sent me some GREAT shoe rules, and as you all know, I'm a shoe whore to the MAX. But these are PERFECT for the season - enjoy!

Just a friendly reminder, it's that time of the year again. Please raise your BIG TOE and repeat after me, as a member of the Faux Paux Sisterhood, I pledge to follow The Rules when I wear sandals and other open-toe shoes:

1. I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs, the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

2. I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free, I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

3. I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

4. I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

5. I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

6. If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put, I will get my shoe fixed or toss it. No matter how much it hurts.

7. I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

8. I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat, and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

9. I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

10. I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes look like they've been dragged behind her car on the way to work and no sandal in the world is going to make her feet look good.

11. I promise if I wear flip flops , that I will ensure they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

12. I will promise to go to my local beauty school at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $15 and worth EVERY penny). I say spend another $15.00 and get a even better one.

And finally...
13. I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear...nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals...



Aoj & The Lurchers said...

I pledge to follow the rules too!

I was just thinking it's time I painted my toenails!

Beckie said...

I'm in on the pledge. It really did make me chuckle...there are some butt ugly feet out there.

Simply Jenn said...

I have to hide my little toes because they are ugly. I love the flip-flop sound. (Gotta remember to throw some white ones away tonight)

Occidental Girl said...

Since we're still deep into winter here in the high desert, I haven't gotten to scrub off the callouses! I look forward to a good pedicure. You are right, they are worth it!

Karmyn R said...

Okay, fine - I'll got throw away my old white sandals.

And did you say I have to have a pedicure? You BETCHA!

Projetor said...

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Anonymous said...

I'm with Karmyn. If you say I need a pedicure, I think I should get one.

Willowtree said...

Do those rules count for Ugg boots too?

Kaytabug said...

I pledge too!!
Thankfully I do not own white /off-white sandals! I LOVE the flip flop sound!!
This list was fantastic!!

Anonymous said...

i love this list, very creative :)!

i'll try and abide.

bermudabluez said...

FABulous, my friend, just FABulous!! I'll pledge!

Bond said...

See... those are HAWT girl and i love your rules...

they should be given to every woman who even thinks about buying HAWT sandals like that


C said...

I agree - some people at work have these nasty heels that look like are going to crack open and they still wear sandals. I nearly gag when I have to be near that.

Angelina said...

Excellent rules! I promise on every single point.

Rose said...

I agree with every single rule but the one I strongly believe is the
pantyhose one. NO exceptions to that rule.
I pledge to follow The Rules.
I'm about to have a pedicure done.

Nekked Lizard Lady said...

I wear $6.99 shoes from Wal-Mart that can be thrown into the washer when dirty, and discarded after a couple of months when worn out. But I'll abide by the footsies rule as applicable to my shoe situation.

Kila said...

LOL, good rules!

Too much work--I like my socks!

Little Miss Moi said...

Dear tiggerlane. Oh dear, I have ugly feet. I just wear birkenstocks all the time :) I don't have the courage to ask friends if my feet look ugly in anything!

M@ said...

Now you've given me a foot fetish, Tig.

Pamela said...

I'm jealous... of your big toe hairs.

jennifer said...

Ouch! You stepped on my toes a bit with this post! :^D

Can't wait for my spring Pedicure. WONDERFUL!


tiger lamb girl said...

Amen. Especially to #4! Which only became a reality a few short years ago. Sigh.

I'm SO with you on keeping feet looking nice and properly adorned:)!

Tiggerlane said...

aoj & the lurchers - I have been guilty of only touching up that big toe!

beckie - I agree! And the owners of those feet will sadly never read the rules.

simply jenn - can't be uglier than mine - my littlest pigs don't have toenails!

occidental girl - believe it or not, I am envious! Cold weather is cuddling weather!

karmyn r - it is mandatory - you can't reach your feet anyway!

projetor - you no longer exist.

anglophilefootballfanatic - think I should get a license to write prescriptions.

willowtree - if you have Ugg boots? I can't be seen with you.

kaytabug - fantastic, just like fabulous BRENT! And I refuse to even buy white sandals - REFUSE!

daily piglet - all I ask is that you try!

bermudabluez - glad you enjoyed! Big toe, UP!

bond - thank you SO MUCH - and too bad not all the ladies abide by these rules, huh? World would be a MUCH HAWTer place!

c - I would even prefer socks with sandals, over that!

angelina - hope you enjoy your pedicure!

rose - yup, and I have to work very early in the year on my tan, when the beds are freezing, just so I don't have to even THINK about pantyhose.

nekked lizard lady - ah, to be so low maintenance...I envy you!

kila - hard to keep up, when you're a busy mom! My one kid is finally old enough that I remembered that I HAVE feet.

little miss moi - oh, but there is time - do you need some foot rehab?

m@ - now, is there any fetish left that you haven't explored?

pamela - BWAHAHA! I saved them in a jar - I'll mail them to you!

jennifer - LOL! Cute! Yeah - I'm wanting that pedicure pretty badly myself!

tiger lamb girl - exactly - proper foot care is ESSENTIAL! And it makes the rest of the body feel good, too!