Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Holiday Cheer

Picture it...Monday night, I'm exhausted from work, and I have to make a stop at the local grocery store for a few quick things before I head home, Offspring in tow. I glance down, and find myself wondering...why is this polar bear so elated?The sudden sense of freedom? No more pressure from the lady-bears to sire a child? Or...maybe the sensation of that cool winter wind, whistling freely betwixt his nether-regions?

I burst out into hysterical, shopper-stopping laughter. The Offspring sprang away from me in horror...as if I wasn't embarrassing her enough already by merely being PRESENT...and I couldn't stop...laughing...giggling...and showing her.

Oh...wait...
Now, all I can think of is that song...only changing the words to say, "She's got the whole...world......in her hands!"

Yes, the holidays have made me insane.

21 comments:

Melissa said...

Oh. My god. I just laughed so hard. The no-balls. The wind betwixt the nether-regions. The fact that my son is embarrassed by me too. If only I lived closer, we could eat no-balls and drink margaritas together, while simultaneously embarassing our children.

Willowtree said...

Oooh, you are awful!

Sirdar said...

I once wrote a post that said it was so cold outside that I saw a polar bear on the side of the road covering his crotch. Funny thing was...someone commented on how cool it was that we had polar bears running around.

Of course...maybe these No-Balls are the imagination of someone who was imagining that is was soooo cold that they just fell off :-)

Nekked Lizards said...

Hilarious! Candy coated, no less....
--Nekked Lizards

Desert Songbird said...

Oh Lord have mercy.

Matty and Bond are gonna have a field day with this one.

You are sick and demented.

Me likey!

Little Miss Moi said...

Dear tiggerlane. hahah that's funny! THe look on the face of the polar bear really matches the 'no-balls' title. He looks pained. or a bit nuts (a har har excuse the pun).

Jo Beaufoix said...

Hee hee.

That is so funny.
And were the balls,erm, nice?

Sandy said...

I hate to admit this, but I used those last year as snowman poop in my decorations!

Yes, eggnog was involved. No, very few people knew they were there. Just sort of a previously private joke, you know?

M@ said...

You could have embarrassed Tig Jr. further by using the word "shiznit."

Kaytabug said...

Oh this is SO funny!!! I love how your mind works!

karisma said...

Well, Im glad to see you are easily amused. I would not have run away. I would have laughed along with you. I have to admit, I am guilty of such displays of enthusiasm myself.

Beckie said...

That is a rather large bag... a lot of "sno-balls" if you know what I mean.

Robocop said...

Only one question about the package graphic: Why would the polar bear have a smile on his face with a hand holding what appears to be his.......candy?

bermudabluez said...

BWAHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAA! This is hilarious!!

Kila said...

LOL, sounds like it was a long day! :)

Tiggerlane said...

melissa - we are twins, separated at birth - I just know it!

willowtree - yeah, but you already knew that!

sirdar - thanks for the giggle! "Polar Bear Balls." Say it fast three times!

nekkid lizards - and crunchy, too!

desert songbird - you wouldn't have me any other way - and those guys still haven't come by...but bond has a good excuse.

little miss moi - nuts?!?! LOL!!! I think the walrus has his stuck in the ice.

jo beaufoix - VERY nice - I like to crunch off the outer layer first, then suck on them. South Park style.

sandy - sounds like I totally need to be in on the party...fun!

m@ - so true! You need to be a parent - you have good ideas.

kaytabug - it's twisted, isn't it?

karisma - life is too short to be uptight - hopefully, The Offspring will learn as she matures.

beckie - I figure it took quite a few polar bears, too.

robocop - my question EXACTLY! Then again - maybe the hand is "cradling" them?

bermudableuz - now I'm laughing again, too! It's contagious!

kila - it WAS! I was delirious, which can be a good thing - at least for my blog!

Bond said...

catching up ...and all I can say is bwahahaahahahahahahahahahahaha

You have a twist to your brain that i just love

Gregg said...

I found your blog through NaBloBlahBlah, and I must say...I never know what I'm going to find here when I stop by. And I mean that as a good thing!! :)

The Sno-Balls cracked. me. up.
(and yes, a gentle cradling technique is always appreciated. *ahem*)

Tiggerlane said...

bond - a twisty brain is a good thing, yes indeedy!

gregg - SO glad to see you! And I love to keep my readers guessing...no humdrum here!

Joe said...

I just discovered your blog. I love it! The spelling and grammar post and discussion is great, but this polar bear post reminded me of a joke. I'll make it quick. A young polar bear asks his mother, "Mom, am I a REAL polar bear?" She replies, "Yes, of course you are." After repeated requests for assurance as to his 100% polar bear pedigree, the youngsters exasperated mother asked him why he's wondering about this. The cub says, "I'm (bleep)-in' freezing."

Tiggerlane said...

Joe - thanks for stopping by! And that was a GREAT holiday giggle - thanks for sharing!