Thursday, December 20, 2007

Bad, Delinquent Tigger

I am SO bad at getting to memes. I got tagged by the lovely Karina in the beginning of December, and I'm finally getting to it.

And as always, there are rules:
Post 5 links to 5 of your previously written posts. (I can do this.) The posts have to relate to the 5 key words given below (family, friend, yourself, your love, anything you like). (I can see Swampy-Style Rule Bending coming here.) Tag 5 other friends to do this meme. Try to tag at least 2 new acquaintances (if not, your current blog buddies will do) so that you get to know them each a little bit better. (Uh, THIS will be hard!) Don’t forget to read the archived post and leave comments. (HUH?)

Well, I'm not going to link. I'm going to "repost" five previous entries that you may not have seen, that I think you might enjoy. First up, in the category of "friends," I suppose, I bring you "Catastrophe:"

It began as a joyous occasion, my executive secretary's 80th birthday. This is a woman for which I have the utmost respect, as she has been dutifully keeping my books and cutting checks to pay my bills, as she did for the previous owner. She is more than a secretary - she's like a second mother, who thinks nothing of admonishing me for spending too much money, or giving me a good-natured slap on the ass when I say something off-color.

At the end of her party, she gave me a flower arrangment, adorned with balloons and beautiful curly string. It is for this reason that I secretly resent her. See this innocent looking feline? Well, I could have throttled her with my bare hands. You see, I knew well enough to place the bouquet of flowers on a high surface when we went to bed that evening. What I forgot is the ability for Whiskas to leap upon tall furniture in a single bound.

When Roger and I awoke the next morning and stumbled into the kitchen to retrieve that life-saving first cup of coffee, our bare feet slipped on something. "What the heck is THAT?" we wondered, sleepily. After turning on the light - we noticed brown streaks on our white floor. Not only in the kitchen, but across the bathroom floor as well. Seems as if Whiskas discovered the curly string, ingested it in a frenzied moment of play, and spent the rest of the evening attempting to remove it from her intestinal tract by alternately scooting her bottom across the floor and sharting.

After many expletives were hurled, we rectified the mess. Time to rectify the cat. Upon inspection of her puckered exit, we discovered a lovely, brown-stained curl of ribbon portruding from her anus. Remember those Chatty Cathy dolls? Much the same effect can be achieved by holding down a cat and pulling curly string out of her ass.

19 comments:

Karmyn R said...

OMG - I get to be the first to laugh. That was too funny.

I've actually had to do that before - but it involved a dog and a balloon.

Dreaming What Ifs...

Kaycie said...

Well that's just icky. But it did make me laugh. And decide to lock the cats in my big laundry room at night until my presents are all unwrapped!

Beckie said...

That was just too funny .... "string out of her ass." I haven't had the pleasure of such an extraction...yikes!

Desert Songbird said...

Bwahahahahaha! Bwahahahahahaha!

*catches breath*

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

OMG - the Chatty Cathy reference made me nearly pee my pants!!!

Soooooo glad this was you and not me.

laurie said...

ah, this reminds me of Oscar, the weiner dog who lives next door to doug's mom.

he got into an easter basket once, and soon had easter grass poking out of his butt.

Willowtree said...

ROFLMAO! hahaha Tiff this was hilarious. And it's only the second time I've actually laughed out loud while reading a post.

Sandy said...

OMG, you invented the Chatty Kitty! Thanks for a much needed laugh, ma'am.

Tiggerlane said...

karmyn r - better than a dog and a trash bag, which happened to another friend of mine!

kaycie - GREAT idea! I shut off our living room with the pocket door, and rarely buy curly string.

beckie - I just wish I had recorded the NOISE she made.

desert songbird - to be fair, Roger is the nurse, so I made HIM pull it out!

laurie - now YOU are making ME laugh! Easter grass poking out! LOL!!

willowtree - you have NO idea how honored I feel!

sandy - Chatty Kitty! LOL!! Good one!

ChrisB said...

I'm glad I don't have a cat!!!!

M@ said...

At least he wasn't writing on the walls....

sirdar said...

LOL!!! That was FUNNY!! I can just imagine you guys pulling that string and getting quite the song.

Junebug said...

i like your use of the word "rectify" the cat since it involved her rectum.

Pamela said...

oh so awful and yet so funny. You told it well. Did it all come out in one pull, or was there more where that came from.. bwooo ha ha ha ha.

Tiggerlane said...

chrisb - at times, I wish we didn't have one, either.

m@ - true - that would have been more difficult to clean.

sirdar - I can honestly say, she made a noise I've never heard before!

junebug - I was wondering if anyone would catch that!

pamela - it was all one, long, howling pull!

Melissa said...

I don't usually laugh out loud at the computer, but the sharting cat? Congratulations, I'm guffawing at the computer! :)

Robocop said...

What's an expletive? **innocent look**

Tiggerlane said...

melissa - aren't you glad I reposted these? Just see what you were missing!

robocop - Hehehe...yeah, right. That evil red eye? Nothing innocent there!

coloursofdawn said...

You have an amazing way with words, not only to envelop the reader in the sordid scene, but to keep one reading beyond what is comfortable and all the while be so amusing while grossing out the most strong of stomach.

theotherbear said...

Hahaha! That was hilarious!