Sunday, March 04, 2007

Fun Monday, Wherein I Prove to be an Idiot

I've thought and thought, and contrary to popular myth, I am having trouble sucking.

The High School Valedictorian and perfectionist Virgo in me are conspiring to make this Fun Monday a lesson in abject failure. Mindy's assignment is to "Write the worst opening sentence that you can come up with and accompany this atrocity with a photo of your setting, a character or a bit of action that relates to the opening line or (for those who do not have a camera) a written description of same." Uh...harder than it looks. I love writing. I love being concise and poignant and descriptive. So, I'm "tweaking" Mindy's assigment by taking some license with it. "Worst" opening sentence could also mean "most disgusting," right? Sure.

So, if you're squeamish, stop reading now. I'm serious. Look away. The sentence is coming:

"Stella's arthritic hands fumbled with the colostomy bag, as she had never changed it herself outside a hospital environment; luckily, her faithful dog, Oink, was there to lick up the spillage as her bathroom floor puddled with feces."

Don't say I didn't warn you. Just be thankful I couldn't come up with a more descriptive photo.

13 comments:

Desert Songbird said...

Snort! You're gonna laugh at me, but I was having such a good time looking at the cute dog's photo, I almost forgot to read your sentence! Ha - can you tell I'm missing my dog?

Anyway, regarding your sentence: That's just wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Ick.

So, now you're done, Miss Valedictorian!

Pamela said...

It's the worst.

Bethany said...

Disgusting!!

Willowtree said...

It's supposed to be bad, not gross!

I know what you mean though, I spent years writing technical documentation including System Specifications and Business Analysis Specs. It's actually harder to write bad than good if you are an experienced writer.

Matt said...

"...I am having trouble sucking...."

I'm going to forget I even read this.

Karmyn said...

okay - that was just plain nasty.

Tiggerlane said...

Desert songbird - I know - I've done my assignment, and now I'm going to be labeled as a sicko! Glad you're home, btw!

Pamela - I really outdid myself this time. Funny thing, I thought of that sentence pretty fast! Just think what horrors I could conjure if I thought long and hard about it...

bethany - thanks for visiting - come back when the blog is brighter!

WT - I did my best, and glad you could relate!

Matt -- don't take it literally. Funny, tho, I thought of you when I wrote that!

Karmyn - Sad, isn't it? Hope you and your mom don't abandon me!

Vicki said...

Great terrible first line!

Gross and terrific all at once!

momto3cubs said...

That was like a beginning and an ending all in one ;)

He isn't called "man's best friend" unjustifiably!

Beccy said...

That was so gross, so bad that in fact it was actually very good. LOL.

Tiggerlane said...

vicki - thanks! I think my mind works that way b/c I'm surrounded by medical people in my personal life. "Colostomy" is a word I hear at least every other week at home.

mom - definitely not a book you'd want to read, right? Thanks!

beccy - thanks - glad you could stomach it!

Robin said...

Ick...and bad! Wasn't here when I checked last week; glad, not glad, I checked back ;).

Nan said...

Classy! I already can't wait for the sequel!